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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and key events, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to find out that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to use the facilities during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|